
You don’t hear much about suffering. It’s painful, not pretty, and to be avoided at all costs. And when you’re past it, you don’t want to be reminded of it for fear it will return.
Somewhere along the way, we've developed a misconception that the Christian life is all roses and butterflies (devoid of suffering), and if this is not your experience, then you must be doing something wrong, or maybe, you’re not even a part of the family.
Thankfully, we have Job, Paul, and Stephen (to name a few), as well as, Jesus and His words to debunk that lie.
John 16:33 I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
Christianity does not offer a pass on suffering. Instead, Christianity offers the Saviour who fully knows suffering, who fully loves and accepts the sufferer, and who can fully carry them through the muck and mire.
Recently I experienced a perfect storm of events and emotions on top of a heavy plate of mid-life stressors. It felt like I was drowning and there was no end, like if one more blow came my way, I would sink under the surface. My emotions were too great to contain, my thoughts were swarming like angry bees around its nest, and my body felt effects similar to running a race, yet I was sitting still. I was flooded.
Emotional Flooding (Choosing Therapy, 2024) – “an overwhelming emotional response, often triggered during a high-stress situation or conflict… occurs due to hormones released when under stress. Symptoms may include increased heart rate, shallow/quick breathing, trouble focusing, muscle tension, negative self-talk, a strong desire to escape the situation, feelings of anxiety/overwhelm, upset stomach, and racing thoughts.”
In the parking lot of Barnes and Noble, I recognized my state and walked myself through the tools I teach my clients.
Deep breathing (belly or diaphragmatic): calms your nervous system so your body can get back to a place of physiological ease where logical thought can be accessed.
Self-Coaching: Speaking out loud (so you can hear) what you know you need to do and what is happening (i.e. just breathe through it, you’re flooded and not in danger, it is going to be okay, etc.). This continues the calming process so you can explore the thoughts and emotions that have caused your heightened state.
Mental Check-in (questions to ask yourself): Here was my process.
What am I thinking? “I’ve got to keep it together.”
When flooded, our thoughts and not just our emotions are on overdrive. If not purged, they remain rampant as volume increases wreaking even more havoc. Allow yourself to talk (and even cry or yell) through the thoughts to gain understanding and get to the root.
o What am I believing? “I’m supposed to hold it all together and I don’t know if I can.”
Your thoughts are a window into what you believe. They can look very different in moments of calm versus distress. Stressful times challenge what we believe. When identified, they provide an opportunity to test and correct faulty beliefs.
o What am I feeling? Fear that I cannot hold it all together and the unknown of what will happen.
Emotions are not meant to be followed but instead acknowledged and explored. They are indicators of what is going on in the heart. When you give an emotion a name (i.e. identify and put words to it), it can be brought to the Lord and released. It is human nature to want to flee or ignore painful emotions, and it is shame that makes us want to hide them from God. Acknowledging your emotions before the Lord (i.e. "God, I feel ____") helps you release and depend on Him.
o What is true? Holding it all together is God's job, not mine. God is with me and helping me right now. (Colossians 1:17; Isaiah 41:10)
When you identify your thoughts and emotions, you can search the scriptures for hope as you remember his promises. God's Word does not return void. My exploration led me to verses on fear, control, self-sufficiency, and God's sovereignty. I am now reminded of what is true.
o Reframe. “I’m not supposed to hold it all together. I’m supposed to let God carry me through it”.
I like to refer to cognitive reframing as "flipping the script." Identifying the negative mental train, seeking scripture, and creating a new thought script can be a game-changer in perspective and experience, This is where, I believe, the "take heart" of John 16:33 can occur.
In this world, we will have trouble. I encourage you to try these steps amid your suffering.
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