The Sandwich

The sandwich Generation - a term used to describe middle-aged adults who are “sandwiched” between their growing children and aging parents. 

No one warns you about this season.

On the one hand you’re being pulled with the stressor of caring for your parents health diagnoses, loss of independence, and navigating what it looks like to “honor” them while the parent-child role slowly reverses. On the other, you have kids of various ages who you are trying to raise into healthy individuals that will launch and become contributing members of society. And then, there is you, stuck in the middle dealing with all the things that come with middle age.

Hence, the sandwich generation.

Bread: Kids becoming Adults

Meat and Toppings: Personal Middle Age Changes

Bread: Aging Parents

This term first appeared in the 80s, originally describing women in their 30s and 40s, but today extends to couples (both men and women) between the ages of 40-65.  – google search AI overview

For women, sandwich time is now hitting more during the glorious season of “the change” or peri/menopause - where a new level of resilience is needed even for minor stressors all the while feeling dismissed in thier experience and told to "suck it up". While, I cannot speak for men and what this is like I am observing similar, yet different “changes” referred to as andropause. Combine middle-aged men and women together in a marriage navigating all the things and now i can see why there is a pattern of divorce in this season.

Why weren’t we warned about this?

I've asked countless others this question and get the same frustrated shrug.

Has it gotten more difficult? Did those before us suffer in secret or are we just becoming less resilient?

I'm still exploring this, but what I do know is that people are starting to talk about it.

And this is a good thing.

1. If no one talks about it, you experience alone and start believing something is terribly wrong with you.

2. When it’s talked about, shared space to "help contain" is created, feelings are validated, and self-deprecating jokes start lightening the load.

3. When isolation finds relatable community, opportunities to spur one another on and reslience-building vulnerability occurs.

4. When a confusing experience finds understanding, relief comes and strategies begin.

   
   

So, let's start talking about it....

This is the first of a series of posts that will explore all that comes with this perplexing season. My hope is that this will provide some relief, understanding, shared space, and resilience-building opportunity.

Application:

1. Recognize you are not alone, you are normal, and there is a term for this complex season.

2. Start talking about it and you will build evidence for #1.