We've all had times when we would get pumped up about something, feel so strong, and are ready to take on the world. And for a while we're in the zone, making a difference. But then, a wall suddenly creeps in, sometimes slowly, sometimes abruptly.
No matter what, there is a guarantee that a wall will come. Then what do you?
Five days after surgery, that wall slowly approached. It was like a gas light showing up on a dashboard signaling "almost empty" and I swear there must have been a leak in the gas line. It was a sobering up to the pain of surgery as the numbness subsided and it would occur at night. For those who know me, I need my sleep. After two hard nights, I had a moment where I teared up with a friend and thankfully divulged the dialogue of fear and disappointment that had been building up between my ears.
"I'm digressing in my recovery"
"I still need so many medications, will I ever come off of them?"
"This is going to be a long hard recovery".
"I can't do this".
The adrenaline that had been propelling me forward was now gone.
Let me be clear, this was not God's peace removed; Instead, it was human nature feeling discouraged and the entertaining of Satan's lies.
From the beginning, my prayer has been "Lord, use this experience for your glory and let this pain not be wasted". God is answering, but my humanness is also at times getting in the way. Now, without the adrenaline or all the "feels" present, I am determined more than ever to not get in the way. This is not an easy task!
How do I not let my pain be wasted?
Human Nature would tell us to step out into good impulsive works of self-sufficiency. Truth reveals these types of works are actually wasted.
1 Corinthians 3:13 each one's work will become manifest, for the Day will disclose it, because it will be revealed by fire, and the fire will test what sort of work each one has done.
Christ would tell us to Come and Receive:
Matthew 11:28-30 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness, Therefore (I will) boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me".
My personal response and takeaways from this are:
Let God work through me for it is often those times when we are unaware that He uses us most. Isaiah 55:9 says, "For as the heavens are higher than the earth. so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
Remember works that matter are not my ideas, but God's preordained plans. Ephesians 2:10 says, "For we are his workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them."
Vulnerably share during the struggle not just after overcoming the struggle. Revelation 12:11 says, "And they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death."
It is God's strength, not adrenaline, that carries me through. Philippians 2:13 says, "for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure."
What pain or struggle are you going through today?
How will you not let it be wasted?